Bill Van Loan ~ Memorist & Strategist

Book of Odds - The Recession’s Domestic Toll

Book of Odds - The Recession’s Domestic Toll. This article decribes the pain women can live without. It's never too late to get the coping skills down and yet it's the tough times that bring the best or in this case the very worst out of people who once said "I Love You".

Even men suffer and to these couples I can only ask why? Anyone who can relate to this abuse - please seek professional help and take responsibility. Your time is passing, for better or for worse.....There are so many options available to you.

Nothing is forever and nothing is worth the abuse desribed in this post or any type of abuse for that matter.

Sad Songs That Make Me Cry - The Pain In The Voice Calls Out To Me

Dusty Springfield, Mike Kennedy y Los Bravos and The Walker Brothers Featuring Scott Walker have one big thing in common. They share the same producer who likes lots of drama.

The words may not stick to me but Scott's voice does. The Sun Ain't Gonna' Shine Anymore captures a feeling that no words can describe and Scott envelopes melancholy like my greatest nightmare could never reveal.

Heavy hit on a beautiful day. This song is about pain and loss.

Pain I could do without and must accept as I re-invent my life and love for life. Life is not fair. Life is what you make it. Reflections with the Walker Brothers and a Deep Shade of Blue share a haunting lingering memory that burns bright in my mind. The Sun Ain't... is penetrating and unforgettable.

How can I cry on my Blog and other social applications? Is this all there is to the process of self expression and deep loss? It's so important to process grief and all the other hardships of life. Crying is cathartic and healthy.

My loss won't destroy me. I'm discovering a brand new me. There is a silver lining. I am more resilient. My love will not die and my sunflowers are shining under the sun. Some things you will never forget and for the better. The sun shines on us and hard times tend to be temporary. No one can deny what your feeling. Is this true happiness or just a different form of freedom?

To be continued....

How To Control Your Jealousy Before It Controls You - Rough Cut

Think someone's doing better in life than you?

Think someone's better off?

Think someone's life is easier than yours?

Think again! Jealousy can poison the soul, destroy your relationships and turn your life upside down. Jealousy can drive you crazy and only if you let it. You can learn a lot from this unhealthy emotion.

1) Ask yourself, can I prove what I believe? Albert Ellis once used a process about disputing what was disturbing you so badly. Those techniques have proved to be very successful. Is the issue real and if so can I create what I want in my life? Question your jealousy. How is it helping you and what' the pay off?

2) Accept your feelings after the reality check and ask yourself if the time is worth it? It never is. Now yourself and what's feeding your inaction to reach your goals. Clarity is everything.

3) Take responsibility for your jealousy and ask yourself "What can I do to change this". Write this out and take a look at your part in all of this. Are you playing a victim? Are you insecure? Do you feel powerless? Are you open to change? Changing is hard work and it's possible if you push yourself.

4) The things you envy you could probably develop and if your energy is drained by your jealous thoughts then frustration like crazy may develop.

5) You are who are and if your making little progress with such powerful feelings then look at writing up a new action plan. The question is "What are you going to do about this" and make sure there is a deadline.

6) If you have tried everything, then consider professional help. Try therapy and role play and discuss your feelings. Short term (brief) therapy can do wonders with a pro but shop around. Everybody is different and there is no one size fits all. Everyone has different needs and everybody looks at life differently with different backgrounds and so fourth. Change your beliefs and listen to your self-talk. Life is not fair is different than the rest of the world is better off. Read self help books and talk to others.

7) There is really no reason to feel jealous when you have multiple ways to get what you want. There are so many other options. On the other hand, these feelings did not come overnight and may not leave overnight. However, success is not linear. Try managing your life, your self and emotions differently. You have choices. You can try and experiment by using healthier habits. Try a different path. Surround yourself with people who ar stronger and don't get jealous. Heal and discover why this has become such an issue in your life. Blaming the other person or outlook on life is simply a dead end.

As for myself, I'm jealous of my time. Wasting time is the worst thing a person can do.

To be continued...

Strategies On Controlling Your Jealousy Before It Controls You - On Wednesday

Hi Bill,
I don't know if you take requests...
I am new to your blog.
Can you write about how to overcome jealousy?  Jealousy in terms of others doing better in life or being better off or being jealous of those who have it easier.  What is your strategy on how to overcome such thoughts?

On Wednesday...

Take Out Torture

I've had my ups and downs. My history follows me wherever I go and I have had my share of hard times. I will have more too. Pain is just a part of life that I have learned to accept. It colors my world and makes me even more exotic or different or whatever I am...

Here's where I'm going with this:

Without the tough times and experiences that have colored my life, I would not be successful. I used my anger to create a better life and produce a lot of cool work that I'm proud of. I helped a lot of people without living the high life and growing up rich and famous. I looked for the silver linings and took them to the bank.

If I chose to deny or disown myself or anything in my life, then I would be a fraud and probably a nightmare to live with. I accept all that I am and look forward to the new challenges and exciting growth opportunities that come with the future. I love my life unconditionally and accept myself just the way it is.

When you go out, you take yourself out just like if you were on a date. Never damn yourself for anything. Instead, love the fact that even without your secrets you've done things most people will never do and just think of all the things you can do to make this world a better place and make your life what you want it to be even with all the changes. Why not use that life experience instead of discounting it? All of us are changing one way or another.

Too many people torture themselves in a 1001 different ways. No one is perfect!  All of us deserve better from ourselves.

It's a take you out night or take out torture you night and you hold a double edge sword. I wonder what you'll do with it?

Take out torture is not a healthy way to live yet we can all be tempted.

Does Time Heal An Issue or Do You?

Maybe both and you'll never forget your issues. Consider that protection from a heartbreaker or any type of a reinjury. It's all very subjective and it's a part of you. Use your issues for your advantage. No way you say. There's always a way and it may speed up the resolution of your current issue. That's a pay off to a bad deal isn't it?

Your highest liability can also be your highest asset and you can use that right now.

When Is Enough, Enough?

Set your own limits before you end up limiting your lifestyle. Don't wait for the yogurt to hit the fan. Decide how far you will go ahead of time and then have your cake and eat it too.

Relationships that Expire - Part 2

And then what? It's over. Heal and move on...Nothing is forever.

You won't like this but the first step is acceptance even if you disagree. Use a therapist if necessary but take care of yourself. That's priority number one.

Unscrew This or Screw It - What Next?

Is your life, relationship, job/career or whatever not working out and causing you too much grief?

1. Accept your issue and resolve to change the way your managing. If something no longer serves you then you may want to change your strategy and rather dramatically. Falling into a rut is like jumping into an early grave. If you change your method of operation, the results your not seeing may impress you.

2. Change is hard and starting over is sometimes an option that remains very attractive.

3. The first step and all that follow may be the hardest job you ever do and the rewards are big. Even if not, it sure beats falling deeper into the rut that takes you nowhere.

4. Challenge: Start today even if small or do a revolution. There are many options available to you. Your not stuck anymore and you have as much power as you think you do. 

Fact: What you did so well yesterday may not hold any or little value today.

Hot question: Is it possible to change even if it means hanging onto everything that means anything to you? Think about that? Change offers so much including risk, failure and a better life with less grief.

What will you do today and what's your deadline? How can you hang onto something that's not working? This is your time and life. Someday, all this will be a blur and what were you just thinking?

Memorial Day

In honor of all veterans who gave their lives to serve America.