Bill Van Loan ~ Memorist & Strategist

Is Your Relationship Making You Sick?

This CNN article shares a very revealing study.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

Four letters words that can save your life. Fear is one of them. Gavin de Becker has written a wonderful book about fear and making smart choices. The Gift of Fear addresses your worst nightmare come true and how to manage it.

Everybody has a deep dark secret and one secret to addressing fear is to manage your temperament differently and embracing your feelings. This book can benefit all types and all ages. I can't recommend this highly enough.

Women - this is a must have....

Are You As Sick As Your Secrets? You May Be Even More Healthy With Them!!!

It's true. Some secrets may be better for you....

Think about it...

How To Control Your Jealousy Before It Controls You - Rough Cut

Think someone's doing better in life than you?

Think someone's better off?

Think someone's life is easier than yours?

Think again! Jealousy can poison the soul, destroy your relationships and turn your life upside down. Jealousy can drive you crazy and only if you let it. You can learn a lot from this unhealthy emotion.

1) Ask yourself, can I prove what I believe? Albert Ellis once used a process about disputing what was disturbing you so badly. Those techniques have proved to be very successful. Is the issue real and if so can I create what I want in my life? Question your jealousy. How is it helping you and what' the pay off?

2) Accept your feelings after the reality check and ask yourself if the time is worth it? It never is. Now yourself and what's feeding your inaction to reach your goals. Clarity is everything.

3) Take responsibility for your jealousy and ask yourself "What can I do to change this". Write this out and take a look at your part in all of this. Are you playing a victim? Are you insecure? Do you feel powerless? Are you open to change? Changing is hard work and it's possible if you push yourself.

4) The things you envy you could probably develop and if your energy is drained by your jealous thoughts then frustration like crazy may develop.

5) You are who are and if your making little progress with such powerful feelings then look at writing up a new action plan. The question is "What are you going to do about this" and make sure there is a deadline.

6) If you have tried everything, then consider professional help. Try therapy and role play and discuss your feelings. Short term (brief) therapy can do wonders with a pro but shop around. Everybody is different and there is no one size fits all. Everyone has different needs and everybody looks at life differently with different backgrounds and so fourth. Change your beliefs and listen to your self-talk. Life is not fair is different than the rest of the world is better off. Read self help books and talk to others.

7) There is really no reason to feel jealous when you have multiple ways to get what you want. There are so many other options. On the other hand, these feelings did not come overnight and may not leave overnight. However, success is not linear. Try managing your life, your self and emotions differently. You have choices. You can try and experiment by using healthier habits. Try a different path. Surround yourself with people who ar stronger and don't get jealous. Heal and discover why this has become such an issue in your life. Blaming the other person or outlook on life is simply a dead end.

As for myself, I'm jealous of my time. Wasting time is the worst thing a person can do.

To be continued...

Strategies On Controlling Your Jealousy Before It Controls You - On Wednesday

Hi Bill,
I don't know if you take requests...
I am new to your blog.
Can you write about how to overcome jealousy?  Jealousy in terms of others doing better in life or being better off or being jealous of those who have it easier.  What is your strategy on how to overcome such thoughts?

On Wednesday...

Parental Love and The Torture Chamber

Adults who don't learn from their history tend to repeat their mistakes. They abuse their children and divorce the partner they once said "I Love You" to. These people have difficulty with relationships and holding onto a job. Lots of disfunction.

Stress is difficult to handle and they know they need to change and often find it so hard that they don't. These people look like gang members and also look normal. Their secrets are deep and painful. The scars cover their life and they die as fast as they live.

The generation repeats itself and all of us try to live together in one big world. I live in the No. 2 city in America and what happens to children is just beyond words. To grow up in a torture chamber and then manage a life with so much damage - and that's if they make it out alive takes a miracle!

These victims are not monsters but that's how they feel.

Parents may mean well but if they fail to do right then we all feel it and pay a very high price by staying in the torture chamber until society heals a problem that won't go away by itself...

Too many parents are failing and the world is losing big.

What can you do? Be the best at whatever you are because those children of all ages are watching you while you think about this. Something to think about while the torture chamber works overtime...

The Sad Yet Sexy and Seductive Marketing of Prescription Drugs Featuring Vioxx

Shari Roan of The Los Angeles Times wrote this article that profiles Vioxx and I consider it mandatory reading. It's a short article that shows everyone that we don't know what we don't know. Hidden side effects from popular prescription drigs can be a liability. Frequently, no one knows their in trouble until it's too late.

Know this information and you may save a life. Maybe your own. Shari did a super job with this story and did everyone a favor. She offers us one more reason to be Thankful with valuable material we need to stay alive today.

Sheri may be reached at sheri.roan@latimes.com . Sheri, thanks for such an outstanding job and happy holidays.

Is Your Obsession Driving You Crazy?

Everyone is obsessed with something. I'm obsessed with being clear. What's your obsession and is it driving you crazy or well managed?

Something to think about while America moves in transition and the effect it has on all of us.

Nightmares or Dark Dreams?

Remember to value the nightmares as much as the dreams and daydreams you have. Your body is always telling you something. Your body knows and communicates in many ways but you have to pay attention and listen.

Nightmares are tough but if you record them you'll be a lot better off. They can even save your life. Sounds like an oxymoron. Email me tomorrow morning and let me know how you feel about the true meaning of your nightmares. There are exceptions but nightmares can be a blessing in disguise.

Nightmares on your street can save your life with powerful messages worth remembering. Fear can be your worst enemy or your best friend.

It's time to hit the sheets and what's happening as you fall into another deep sleep? Why do so many people love scary movies? The movies can be very activating and motivate us to do so many things and the fantasies are not even real. Your buttons are pushed, you got what you wanted and that's scary stuff.

Mirror of Your Mind That Only Time Can Find

What hurts is looking in the mirror and knowing your not doing what you want. Your changing so fast you don't realize that what your now doing is exactly what you don't want to do. You don't know this yet and when you do, you'll be doing something else and not getting what you want and wondering how to get it.

If this does not make sense, it will but then the mirror will reflect something else and you'll be wanting more of that instead of this. You'll see it all in time and say today is mine.